As a counselor, it is a given-in that I would be a huge proponent of us all having a counselor. When I say this, people look at me with wonder and often ask what leads me to this conclusion. Aaron Beck, one of the most prominent contributors to CBT techniques, said that ‘Counselors are supportive listeners who will provide honest, harsh, and non-biased perspectives on life situations discussed during therapy.’ Sometimes, it’s the hardest for people to accept the most obvious realities in their lives. After all, who wants to look at the painful or shameful things about oneself? We all avoid looking at ourselves and our lives in a realistic way because it doesn’t feel good to feel ashamed or emotional turmoil, this avoidance is called denial. A licensed professional counselor can help a person to overcome this denial that exists in all of us as a way to trick ourselves into minimizing things we do not enjoy about our lives, the people in them, and ourselves. A counselor is an unbiased bystander that is able to notice these unhelpful patterns in our thinking that lead to problematic behavior and can help one replace these unrealistic thoughts with healthier, more realistic thinking that results in better behavioral choices.  

Counselors are not only there to offer their clients someone to actively listen and process through feelings and problems, they are also teachers of skills that can help cope with life. Anxiety, depression and other emotional or mental health issues are on the rise due to increased pressures of modern day life, people having too much to do in too little time, and a lack of work-life balance. This epidemic of poor quality of life, lack of self-care and little to no life balance is something that people are not born knowing how to manage effectively. A counselor can help people learn to change their perspectives on situations, adopt healthier habits and how to implement coping skills on a daily basis to decrease stress, depression, frustration and anxiety levels. Counselors are also advocates and are able to provide their clients with support and assistance in receiving needed services, coordinating with physicians and other health professionals as needed on the client’s behalf and to ensure that all of a person’s health care providers are working with one another as a service care team. Counselors can also provide information and educate clients regarding the community services, government assistance programs, and other useful resources that are available and may also cater referrals to each client’s specific needs. As you can see, counselors are not just a one trick pony, but they wear many different hats. Counselors offer services that can be useful for anyone because they offer so many diverse types of services to their clients.

In today’s world of emails, Facebook, texts, tweets, Instagram and twitter, it’s no wonder that more and more people are coming into my counseling office seeking to reduce stress and to develop coping skills to aid as a buffer against burnout. There are so many methods of communication and expectations of immediate gratification in our modern technological era that people are constantly bombarded with communication requests. Feeling obligated to tend to so many demands that emanate from their technological devices that efficiency, concentration and attention spans are suffering all over the US. This new trend that I have noticed in the increase in stress and inability to focus had led me to ask, “Is all of the new technology really providing a helpful service and fulfilling the true purpose for which it was created? Wasn’t technology initially created to make our lives easier?” Sure, you can video chat from your cell phones and obtain instant access to endless amounts of information in the blink of an eye, but have we truly made life easier for ourselves and created a better quality of life via the increase in communication and media technology? Often times, it feels as though the use of such complex and endless technology has acted to push the fast-forward button on the pace of life. Now, people are expected to provide more output in less time, instant responses constantly interrupt the flow of thought and interrupt productivity. Has technology of today actually acted to make life more complicated? I do not have the answer to this question nor the evidence to provide any empirical support to this claim as of this time, aside from my own experiences with clients and in my own personal life. However, I ascribe to the belief that simplification is the antidote to emotional stress and schedule overload.

So, how do we reduce our overall stress levels and reduce the negative impacts of this fast-paced world we find ourselves thrust into facing day after day? These are a few simple guidelines I always review with my clients seeking strategies to reduce feeling overwhelmed:

CREATE BALANCE IN YOUR DAILY ROUTINE:

Often, people undergoing counseling treatment will say to me that they feel they do not have enough hours in the day to check off each item on their To-Do lists. First, I ask about their level of technology use, the number of hours they work in a typical day, the type of work they perform and the typical amount of sleep, nutrition and exercise they get regularly during the week. In that simple evaluation of daily routine, I typically notice spots in the day where most people who are overwhelmed or overstressed because they have a vital link missing in their daily self-care chain. They are either over-doing something (overworking, taking care of others before themselves) at the expense of not doing something else enough (exercise, getting sunshine, eating a balanced diet). I is often a combination of both in most evaluations I complete. This helps to identify where people are overextending themselves in some areas of their lives and not indulging in the experiences that make life enjoyable and worthwhile in the fist place

I encourage you to look at your personal level of life balance. See where the scales in your life may be tipped too far in one direction. Once you figure where your life imbalance is, you can begin making improvements in your daily routine, focusing on making a strength out of a weakness and trying to make time for yourself and the activities that recharge your emotional, physical and spiritual batteries. This may mean you exercise or read more and work less late nights at the office. You may opt to participate in Sunday blackout hours and turn off your telephone and spend time reconnecting with loved ones or meeting new friends. You may decide to spend less time with the television on and more time delving into your creative side. Whatever it is that you notice in your own personal routine evaluation, do what you can to ensure that you have better work-life balance and you will notice your enjoyment levels raise as your stress melts away.

GOAL SETTING FOR SUCCESS

Why do we set goals? It has practically become ingrained in our society that in order to progress in life, we must first decide that a change needs to be made, which leads to establishing a goal. From New Year’s Resolutions to quarterly board meetings focused on company growth, goal setting is all around us and is a part of our everyday lives, regardless if we like it or not. Despite this fact, most goals that are set are not achieved.  To illustrate this point, let’s consider our New Year’s resolutions…did you know that  95% of all resolutions established each new year are forgotten before the end of January? Yep, this is a fact that many of us find hard to swallow, but that’s reality. You may be asking yourself ‘Why do so many resolutions go unfulfilled?’ I can tell you that one reason our goals are not met could be the types of resolutions people are setting for themselves. Most resolutions and goals are unrealistic, unattainable, and thus, they actually set us up for failure and not success.

how does one know if they have set an appropriate, helpful, realistic goal?There is a process of evaluation that is useful in determining if a goal is positive and productive… and a useful goal has 5 qualities outlined by the acronym: S.M.A.R.T. So what does this mean? 
How can you begin establishing SMART goals for yourself?


SPECIFIC – You need to be as specific as possible regarding what your goal. What, exactly, do you hope to achieve or accomplish? This includes the 5 W’s – Who, What,     When, Where, & Why.

MEASUREABLE – Ensure that you are able to determine how you are progressing towards achievement of your goal. How will you evaluate your level of progression towards meeting your goal? How often do you plan to conduct a progress evaluation? How quickly do you intend to actualize your resolution

ACHIEVABLE – Ensure that you are realistic when setting your New Year’s resolution to ensure that you do not set yourself up for disappointment by setting your sights too high. While goals and resolutions push our limits or encourage us to step outside of our comfort zones, they are not meant to stretch us until we snap. Ensure that you challenge yourself while remaining realistic about what is and is not possible to achieve.

            RELEVENT – How does your New Year’s resolution pertain to your life objectives? Will it help you get a step closer to a longer-term goal you have set for yourself or does it tie into your life’s key responsibilities? Will it improve you overall quality of life and bring   you more happiness? Answers to these questions will determine if a goal is helpful for you overall.

TIME SPECIFIC – Determine a specific date for goal achievement and set the frequency of progress evaluation to ensure that procrastination doesn’t get between you and your goal.

So, the next time that you sit down to set a goal that will move you closer to where you want to be in life, love or business, ask yourself “Is this a SMART goal to set for myself?” and use this guide to determine what is and is not realistically attainable for you. 

Think about this: how many times a day do we eat processed foods, drink sugar-filled drinks, skip getting exercise due to overpacked schedules, deprive our bodies of much-needed sunlight, spend less time with our loved ones for the sake of work, or willingly participate in stress-filled activities that bring us less joy and little benefit? How often do we sacrifice vital hours of sleep due to our hustle-and-bustle lifestyles? The answer, unfortunately, is likely that you are guilty of doing one of the well-being no-nos  mentioned above at least once a week.

Over time, we develop habits that put stress and strain on our bodies, and this adds up over time and slowly will begin to take a nasty toll on your overall functioning. When this occurs, our bodies, minds, and spirits become unbalanced, and eventually this imbalance will have negative health and emotional effects. We live in an on-the-go society that thrives on instant gratification and over-packed schedules filled with expectations that will go unfulfilled because WE EXPECT TOO MUCH FROM OURSELVES MOST OF THE TIME. When you overpack your day, something ends up falling by the wayside, which begins the guilt cycle when someone is left disappointed or feeling unfulfilled.  Why is it most of us choose to live this way when we don't have to?

So how do we start to get back on track? The answer, oddly enough, is quite simple. Here, the recipe for maintaining order and balance is (1) getting 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep per night, (2) pass on the preservative-filled microwave dinner and try making something fresh for you and your family to enjoy for dinner, (3) Drop sodas, even diet drinks which are just as bad for our bodies, and pick up a bottle of sugar-free sports drink or water, (4) take time to rejuvenate yourself for 30 minutes everyday, (5) participate in something to bring spirituality back into your routine through yoga, prayer, or meditation daily and finally (6), develop realistic expectations of yourself and focus more on the here-and-now rather than worrying about what is to come. Mindfulness and simplicity are the name of the game here, simplify your schedule, increase your sleep hygiene and take time to love yourself. What change will you choose to begin making for yourself today?

One of my favorite quotes is "Self-knowledge without self-change is self-abuse." - Dr. Eleger Ben-Joseph. What a thought? Upon first hearing this quote, most agree that there is an undeniable truth behind it. We become aware of (or are already aware of) the negative, unhealthy consequences we invite into our lives because of some of the activities that we choose to continue to do, toxic relationships we continue to have, and daily discomfort from working a dead-end job that we detest, yet we do nothing to change these damaging patterns once they are within awareness. It is as if people are most resistant to making the changes required to better themselves in ways that will help them become healthier and happier.

Why do we resist change? Why are we content to torture ourselves with damaging habits that we continue as part of our daily routine for the sake of avoiding change in our daily routine? Even when change will result in vast life satisfaction improvements in the long run, people still remain firm and stubbornly resist any temptations they experience to change thier lives. I say that change results in entering "unknown territory". This can lead to a person becoming fearful when they do not know how to predict what is likely to occur in the future, walking in "unexplored terrain". 

Although change is difficult, it doesn't happen over night. I have found that large chagnes are actually a culmination of baby steps of change rather than big strides. This enables us to dip our toe in the water of the unknown to gauge the temperature. When that's not too bad, we feel more comfortable slowly ascending the steps into the unknown waters of the pool, anxious if the temperature will bring a good or negative sensation. Yet, we finally find outselves neck deep and nearly submerged in goldilocks waters that are not too hot or cold, but just right. When all is said and done, we are happier, so what took us so long to overcome out fears of changing that we wasted preciiuos time worrying about something which did not come to affruition. 

This story embodies what I see people doing everyday, in all walks of life... avoiding making changes to their mindset, beliefs and subsequently, their behaviors. We get stuck in a rut this way, and it's not always a healthy rut, it's a vice. I will remind you again that it has been said "Self-Knowledge without Self-Change is Self-Abuse," and I challenge those who are now aware of this truth to take an honest look at how they are living their own lives. 

How can this be a call to change for the betterment of self be put it into use in our own lives? Ask yourself, "What changes could I make in my life today that would shift things in a more positive direction for tomorrow?" I bet you can think of at least two or three minute changes, perhaps its a habit that has been beating you down and has lead to an unhealthy addiction, perhaps it is ignoring yourself and not noticing that you serve to have a voice and deserve to have you voice heard. Perhaps it is to let go of blame and see that we too live in a glass house and therefore, should not throw stones. No one is perfect, there is no perfect. Healthy self-love is promoted by keeping what works, making positive changesfor promotion of a healthy lifestyle, having better behavioral choices, and improved interpersonal relations with others. 

This week I challenge you to find one thing that has been holding you back or causeing you a great deal of worry, grief or is dragging you down into a depressive state. Ask youself, "What can I do to alter this situation to suit my needs better?" If leaving that situation, relationship or employment position is the only way to enable you to start feeling less stressed and more wellbalanced, you may want to weight the pros and cons and plan a bit before drastically changing your life. Beginning the planning process in itself is one of the 5 stages of change called Preparation. I'd love to get feedback on what others have decided to commit to changing this week within themselves to help them enjoy the here and now more and worry about a future which has not yet arrived less.

As the summer begins to wind down, going back to school and adjusting schedules in preparation for the upcoming fall and winter months can be both exciting and stressful for all ages. Many mothers feel the pressure of the financial strain that back-to-school needs can cause, and often, feel they have fallen short if they are unable to meet the demands of their children and the school system regulations for immunizations, school supplies and school-appropriate attire. Many children are nervous with anticipation of the unknown, the 180-degree turn in their daily schedules, and social pressures that loom within the halls of all schools. How do we adjust smoothly to all of these sudden changes? How do we prepare ourselves to have the best possible start for the upcoming year? Here are 7 simple tips to getting your fall journey into the new school year to follow a more positive pathway:

1. Adjust to the school year schedule slowly: With all of the anxieties awaiting children and teens as it is, the last thing you want to do is add to the shock of the first day back-to-school by interrupting their sleep schedule and forcing them to adjust quickly. This sudden sleep schedule change will not only make your child’s mood more irritable, it will also make life more stressful for the family overall. Rather than waiting until the last day before school to make the sleep change adjustment, begin easing back your child’s bedtime and rousing late sleepers earlier each day gradually over the last two weeks before school begins. This will make your back-to-school transition much smoother the morning of the first day of school.
2. Cut down on hectic mornings, stress of surprises and the weekly grind with preparation: Prepare for the entire weekly breakfast menu by making a shopping list and being prepared in advance with meals. Making a shopping list for the week will not only result in an easier transition into the year, but it also can help reduce impulse purchases and your shopping trips will begin to cost less.
3. Have outfits picked out the night before and hang them somewhere you and your child have agreed upon to save the scrambling to find something to wear: This should continue as a daily routine throughout the school year. It will save you headaches and tons of time! Make sure bags are packed and ready by the front door the night before to help your child increase the likelihood of always having their needed materials and homework each morning for school.
4. In the week prior to the big first day, gather all of the papers that your child’s school district requires for back-to-school ready and put together in one folder: It will save you headaches and will also result in your child being well prepared and ready to focus on learning. Your child has enough to make them nervous on the first day, why add to it with distractions caused by forgetting important medial documentations and immunization records.
5. Get your shopping done early regarding clothing needs and school supplies: This will enable you to cash in on the sweaters that go on sale when summer heat is at its peak, but you can also hit the online market and save plenty of time (and likely some money as well). This can make it easy to get everything you need from one site, have it delivered in one package. This stragy can enable extra time free to grab those few last-minute needs that could pop up without stressing your schedules before the school year arrives.
6. Set up a calendar/schedule area that has a spot made for every member of the family: This hub serves an up-to-date central area where the entire family works together, where everyone is a part of this system. With each family member having their own a dry erase schedule/notes spot to write their schedules, for projects, tests, doctor/school appointments, sports activities, etc. throughout the week, children will learn the values that come with planning in advance that they can apply though their college, future family and professional lives. It is a great way to keep up with everyone’s schedule needs, pick-up times and doctor’s appointments. Not to mention eliminating the surprise of upcoming science projects that pop-up the night before they are due.

• BOUNUS OF FAMILY COHENSION: Children love the opportunity to have their input and feel a sense of belonging within the family unit by taking responsibility for their scheduling and activity needs. This activity schedule area can serve as a meeting spot weekly where the family can convene Sunday afternoons to discuss the upcoming week and coordinate. This teamwork model also encourages children to see the family unit as a team and reduces sibling competition.
  
• BONUS OF MODELING ORGANIZATION & TEAMWORK: Children given few opportunities to develop and have little organization and team coordination modeled for them at school with school systems being overwhelmed with an influx of students and changing policies of their own to keep the school running smoothly. Thus, parents are the models that their children admire and will follow, enabling them to carry these positive organization tactics into their adult lives when they move out to attend college, begin their own families and building career success in the future.
  

EXTRA TIP: Have an easy-going family day planned for the day before school: This will reduce stress for everyone and keep your child’s mind occupied on enjoying the last day of the summer. Boredom can increase anxiety and cause first-day jitter to build.  After a day outside playing games with the family and spending time together, you can bet that you kiddos will get a rested sleep the night before going back to school.